As long as you’re alive, you’re in play.

One of my favorite websites is Cardboard Gods. I used to be a card collector, now I collect moments through working a camera in various social, lighting, sporting, political and familial settings. A recent quote on a Cardboard Gods post was a good reminder: “As long as you’re alive, you’re in play.“

I recently found out (on my 43rd birthday) that I’m going to be laid off. The details, even now, are still sketchy. I’ll find out in a few weeks when my last day will be. I’ve been at my job/career for almost 18 years. I ask myself who will want to hire someone like me? The idea of interviewing with strangers sounds fun. It’s no different than walking and making candid photos of people in public. In a good interview, everyone exposes themselves (some more than others) to get a desired result. The same goes for truly candid street photography.

I’m not going to lie, I’d much rather find a new job with the comfort of not having to worry about keeping my current one. The pressure I will inevitably put on myself will be pretty high. The pressure has been getting the best of me the past few weeks. It’s been hard to get a full night’s sleep. To counter it, exercise, eating organic food as much as possible, and trying new things have kept my worry from getting worse.

When stressed, I often stare out the windows of my apartment watching strangers go about their days. I have a cheap camera with a cheap zoom lens and decided to try something new. Using some Kodak P3200 film, I photographed strangers from inside whenever the sense of dread and worry set in. I’m not going to lie to myself, the photos need some work and the results might look better with a better lens. Yet, not succumbing to the stress, making these photos and developing them in a local darkroom makes me at at least feel alive … and in play.


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